I don’t know what to title this
I honestly don’t know where to begin, and as I said earlier tumblr fucking lost a bunch of this. earlier when I was writing I thought maybe I was too tired to try to put into words what is going on. now that I’m mostly awake from a 90 minute nap, I’m wondering if I even know how to explain it. I hesitate to say that though, because I always seem to figure it out at some point. I need to, because I don’t want to forget it.
craig was in town for a few days, and it was perfect. I realize that things cannot always be perfect but at this point I’m not sure anything other than that exists between us.
I don’t think I’ve ever gone into any sort of detail here about this whole thing. it’s not really my style to do that, but here are some bullet points because it should be documented.
- we have known each other through the magic of the internet for a while now (a year? I don’t know), but not as more than acquaintances.
- three months ago, we began talking regularly, and by regularly I mean pretty much every minute we were both awake. he was going to the winter meetings. I wanted to go. he offered me a place to stay. I, for some reason, felt that this was something I needed to take him up on, for reasons that were unknown at that point.
- two months ago, we both finally admitted (while fully realizing how cliche and possibly ridiculous it was) that we were in love with each other.
- a month and a half ago, we saw each other in person for the first time as I rushed into the hotel in dallas. I think my first words to him were “jesus fucking christ, that cabbie charged me $18.” he laughed, because for some reason he thinks it’s cute when I’m a spaz. I did not make him sleep on the couch. we had an awesome time.
- when he got home from dallas, he booked a trip to come see me this past weekend. now I think we’re caught up.
he and I often feel that we share a brain; we seem to be the same person in all the right ways, and different in all the right ways as well. when he was here it felt like he belonged and was meant to be with me. I don’t know any other way to explain that. I was less of a spaz when I greeted him this time, by the way.
thursday, we met my parents for dinner. it was actually a little strange how excited I felt about this. I knew they’d love him and that it was just a formality. I was right.
friday, I took the day off of work and showed him around the area a bit. breakfast tacos, gorgeous hotel downtown, one of my favorite restaurants for dinner, symphony, drinks and laughing with a couple of my friends.
saturday, we went to my aunt and uncle’s for some of my uncle’s famous bbq. in total he met six more family members. they all love him. he just fits. we ate too much, fell asleep on the couch shortly after arriving home.
sunday I was nearly incapable of getting out of bed, knowing he was supposed to leave. something intervened, though - shitty weather in chicago and he wound up staying. after sorting things out we spent the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing, and then had dinner at another one of my favorite restaurants. they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. that statement could not be more sexist, because that’s definitely a good way to get into mine.
this morning he woke up before 6am to get ready. insisted on having a cab come so I could rest before going to work. I drifted in and out of sleep and tried to be okay when he left. he’s home safe now, I’ve been in a fog ever since. I hope it lifts before he’s back in about a month. I think it will.
he lives 1300 miles away, but I feel more loved than I ever did when I was with anybody else. even those I lived with and saw every day. I can be a superstitious person, but I’ve never been sure that I believed in fate. I really thought this was the kind of thing that happened in movies, or at the very least, only to other people. I thought it would be a long time before I came across something remotely similar to this relationship, these feelings, and I was fine with that. but it’s happened and I can’t imagine my life being any other way.
“this is going to work, right?”
“if you don’t have any doubts. I don’t.”
“neither do I.”
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real talk cac congrats on making it to the end of this
